Thursday, January 26, 2006

River Safety Tip #2

Maybe the Spirits Editor can name a drink after this guy, too:

The most feared creature of any river traveler is the tiny, almost transparent catfish known as the candiru. This sharp-spined fish is the only other animal besides the vampire bat that is known to survive solely on blood. Most species of candiru are only about an inch long, and they usually make their living by swimming into the gill chambers of larger fish. To other fish, the candiru is relatively harmless, because, when full to capacity, it simply swims back out of the gill chamber and burrows into a riverbed to digest its blood meal. To humans, however, the miniature catfish is a potentially lethal menace.

When it comes to parasitizing people, a very rare occurrence, the candiru's modus operandi is to enter through an orifice - from a vagina to an anus. It is most famous, however, for wiggling its way into a urethra. The most widely discussed, if highly controversial, theory is that candirus are attracted to urine streams, mistaking them for the gill streams of fish. Before the unsuspecting bather knows what is happening, the candiru has followed the stream to its source, slipped inside, sunk its spines in the soft tissue, and begun to gorge on its host's blood. For the candiru, this is a fatal move. While it can easily swim out of a fish' gills, it cannot find its way out of a human urethra. Even if it could swim backward, its stiff spines prevent it from going in any direction but forward.

For the person whom the candiru has parasitized, the situation is potentially just as dire, and the cure can be as bad as the affliction. The candiru soon dies where it is, but its body continues to block the urethra, causing excrutiating pain and, if not removed, death. Candiru removal, however, is difficult, especially in remote locations. In 1897, George Boulenger, a Belgian ichthyologist and herpetologist, presented a candiru to the Zoological Society of London and related a gruesome story, told to him by a doctor named Bach, of the extreme measures to which men were willing to go in order to rid themselves of a candiru. "The only means of preventing it from reaching the bladder, where it causes inflammation and ultimately death, is to instantly amputate the penis," Boulenger told his no doubt horrified audience. "Dr. Bach had actually examined a man and three boys with amputated penis [sic] as a result of this dreadful incident." This was not the first, or the last, story of a penectomy performed on a man whose urethra had been blocked by a candiru.

Instances of candirus parasitizing people are rare, but in the one case in which a doctor fully documented his removal of a candiru from a young man, the victim's explanation of how the fish had entered his urethra was nearly as shocking as the fact that it was there at all. Up to that point, most scientists had assumed that, in order for the fish to find its way into a urethra, that part of the victim's anatomy had to be submerged in the water. In this case, however, the victim reported that, just before the attack, he had been standing in a river urinating, but the water had reached only to his upper thighs, and his penis had not even touched the river, much less been submerged in it. The candiru, he claimed, had abruptly leapt out of the water, shimmied up his urine stream, and disappeared into his urethra. He had made a desperate lunge for the fish, but it was too fast and too slippery. Local doctors had been at a loss to help the man, and by the time he was finally moved to a hospital for treatment, he had been unable to urinate for more than a week, and his stomach had become so distended that he looked six months pregnant. The doctor who eventually operated on him was able to successfully remove the candiru - without resorting to amputation.


Here is an RRCC member showing off some
candiru avoidance techniques


Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Spring Trip Dates Announced

The 2006 Rebel Rivers Canoe Club spring trip will be Saturday and Sunday May 13 - 14.

Book it.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Boating Safety Week May 13 - 20

The spring trip (see above) is during National Boating Safety Week. Take the Pledge here.

And listen to Safety Pirate say "drunken boatin's against the law ya' know!""

What's in YOUR thermos?

Safety Pirate replaced Safety Beaver as the boating safety spokesman. Safety Beaver "Looked His Best in His Life Vest."

So true.

Look at the "Men of the Rebel Rivers Canoe Club" photo shoot.

Friday, January 20, 2006

The Hangover

"Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad."

- Kingsley Amis (from "Lucky Jim")

Fortunately, Mike's balcony had some nice cool/West Coast jazz floating out over the neighborhood this morning.

Those of you who had to leave early, go by The Villager any time over the weekend and just tell them you're with the RRCC. The Club has a credit there because we already paid for your round of Bald Pussies.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Cocktail Hour

We have a full agenda tonight: spring trip planning, accounting, returning gear, slide show, dinner, darts in the Village. But no issue is more important than what we are drinking. Although I am bringing enough beer for everyone, The Mixologist (above center, not the shaggy one) is offering his usual array of fancy drinks. Here are your choices tonight.

1 1/2 oz George Dickel® Tennessee whiskey
3/4 oz Cointreau® orange liqueur
3/4 oz lime juice
1 tsp grenadine syrup
Shake ingredients with a glassful of broken ice, and pour unstrained into an old-fashioned glass.

1 part George Dickel® Tennessee whiskey
2 parts Mountain Dew® citrus soda
Shake ingredients with a glassful of broken ice, and pour unstrained into an old-fashioned glass.

1 oz George Dickel® Tennessee whiskey
3/4 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
1/2 oz Pimm's® gin
1/4 oz lime juice
4 oz lemonade
Pour into an ice-filled highball glass, and serve.

2 oz George Dickel® Tennessee whiskey
2 oz ginger
Pour george dickel over ice into a tall glass. Add ginger ale, and stir.

1 1/2 oz vodka
2 oz orange juice
fill with grapefruit juice
1 oz Midori® melon liqueur
1 pinch salt
Salt the rim of a Collins glass. Fill with ice, pour vodka along with the OJ. Fill the rest of the glass with grapefruit juice, and float midori melon liqueur on top.

1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1/2 oz Malibu® coconut rum
1/2 oz peach schnapps
1/4 oz sweet and sour mix
1 dash Sprite® soda
Mix all ingredients. Chill with ice and strain into a shooter glass!

1/3 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur
1/3 oz peach schnapps
1/3 oz pineapple juice
Mix the three, and chill'em. Then pour and serve.

1/2 oz banana liqueur
1/2 oz Cape Velvet® cream liqueur
2 drops Nachtmusiek® chocolate liqueur
Pour the banana liqueur into a shot glass. Layer the Cape Velvet cream liqueur on top. Add two drops of Nachtmusiek or other chocolate liqueur on top of the Cape Velvet cream liqueur, and serve.

BALD PUSSY (order this if you're leaving early)
1 1/2 shots melon liqueur
1 shot lime vodka
1 shot Absolut® vodka
1 shot triple sec
1 1/2 shots blueberry schnapps
1 splash lime juice
1 splash 7-Up® soda
Pour ingredients over ice in a highball glass and shake.

1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz rum
1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 1/2 oz sweet and sour mix
4 - 5 oz 7-Up® soda
Shake all ingredients together in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a collins glass filled with ice cubes, and serve.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Haints

His face is deliberately obscured, but that is the RRCC's own Roy DeSha on tub playing Wednesday nights at The Basement for The Pine Hill Haints.

The giveaways for Roy were:

1. The sleeveless orange UT shirt
2. The waterproof paddling gloves
3. The Haints first single is called "Tennessee River Rambler"

Good song. And that is definitely the hottest hillbilly-skateboard-punk washboard player we've ever seen.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Desparately Seeking a Brew

Wait til Lizzie Garrigan gets hold of this.

No glass!

No glass.

Still no glass.

No. Fucking. Glass.


Monkey Man

We finally have a scientific explanation for the mating ritual witnessed at Dan McGuinness Pub during the National Championship game.

Female baboons experience drastic swelling of the genital area during their estrous cycle which signals males it is time for mating. Moreover, estrus chimps and other primates, including baboons and the gorilla, go to great lengths to focus male attention on their buttocks, which they may flaunt and display by swaying them “enticingly” (Fedigan, 1992; Ford & Beach, 1951). If a desired male fails to respond, she may approach him by walking backward, and may sway her swollen derriere in his face, at which point she may run away only to repeat her performance if he still does not react (Ford & Beach, 1951; Nadler, 1976; Schaller, 1964). When a female goes into estrus she will solicit males by presenting and shaking her swollen bottom while looking “coyly” over her shoulder (Schaller, 1964; Wallis 1992). Or she may approach the recumbent male by walking backwards and will stare at him over her shoulder, puckering her lips “invitingly” while tipping her buttocks in the standard dorsal-ventral mating posture. If he doesn’t respond she will rub her genitals against him or will stare at or touch his penis, or may sit on his lap and tease and motivate him to copulate.

Just to clarify - this is only an analogy and we're not calling anyone a baboon. Baboons are more subtle, anyway.


New Member Spotlight

Introducing: Bill Massey

Three-time Sylabbic Spelling Champion
Single-handedly flooded three floors of the Embassy Suites last visit to Nashville
Long history of Naturism

"White Zinfandel with ice, please". Notice the
disapproving looks from behind.

Thirty minutes later - on stage with the band.

Friday, January 06, 2006


Slight change of plans for the 19th. Instead of eating at Sportsman's,

has offered to be our next RRCC celebrity chef.

We will still gather with our misplaced (now moldy) gear at 7:00 pm at

's house and then go look for Rob's triangle gong after dinner.

Bring your checkbooks for the fall trip and also so we can pay

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The links to important RRCC web pages have been updated on the right. There are all kinds of resources there now. You can buy your own Big Daddy, check the river levels, register for the '06 Demolition Derby, and find other paddling and club related stuff. The last one, is kind of "The Crying Game" of canoeing sites. It has a surprising twist.

I don't know how they got that domain name, but The Paddling Bares Canoe Club has a mission statement that we fully endorse: "We are a group of canoeists and kayakers who are also naturists (we enjoy nude recreation)." We'd put it on our logo if it would fit.

The RRCC also endorses the PBCC code of conduct: "Inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated. Because many of our trips are into remote locations and because we place the utmost emphasis on safety, our trips are alcohol-free."

Buckling Up for Safety